Czech please!

 

After a brief winter hiatus, I kick started my adventures for 2022 with a trip to Prague, courtesy of my lovely fella. 

Our adventure began in the BA Lounge at Heathrow Airport. Not normally somewhere mere mortals such as myself hang out (as we're not allowed in), being a guest of Mike's granted me access to this exclusive, members-only club. Far superior to the plastic-seated waiting areas I'm used to, this was a place of wonder. With comfy seating, free food and unlimited free drinks (including booze), I stuffed two croissants down my pie hole, while Mike smashed back two glasses of champagne (actual champagne), despite it being 5.45am. Much to Mike's disgust, I dropped a pile of pastry crumbs and butter wrappings all over the floor, which enraged one particular lounge steward, who proceeded to give me death glares every time she walked past me, while simultaneously flicking her eyes between me and my crumb infested mess. 

Once in Prague, we checked into our hotel and headed straight into the Old Town where we immediately started drinking. Mike couldn't wait for me to witness the wonder that is the Astronomical Clock, so we eagerly awaited the arrival of 12pm when the clock animatronics fired up. Mind blowing it was not. It was so shit, I can't even be bothered to chog up this already dull blog with the video. 

After this underwhelming event, we headed off across the Charles Bridge where tradition states you should rub a dog's arse on one of the bridge statues, for good luck. Obviously I undertook this stupid tradition without questioning it, and it might explain why I came back from Prague with what would be described by many as Coronavirus (although tests say otherwise). 

The rest of the day passed with mindless back street wanderings and copious amounts of food and booze. Needless to say we were in bed by 9pm. 

Day two started with further meanderings around the streets of Prague Old Town, where we happened upon a curious statue of some bloke dangling from a roof top.

The next step on today's outing was a boat ride up the river in a fancy glass-topped boat. This was my favourite part of the trip. We indulged in more food and booze whilst chugging up the river, in between visits to the poop deck for fags and being serenaded by a saxophonist.

After disembarking from the barge, we headed back into town and to the Sex Machine Museum. This was a fun place. I shall say no more about it.

The evening's entertainment consisted of dinner (and more booze) in a rooftop restaurant overlooking the town square. It was an incredible place to dine and while away a couple of hours whilst stuffing yet more food and drink into our already overfull bellies. After dinner, we moved to the other side of the terrace to finish our booze and enjoy the full view, and as Mike is demonstrating in the following photo, it was a little chilly. 

After leaving the restaurant, we went in search of a Trdlo vendor. The best way to describe a Trdlo is a warm, conical, puff-pastry doughnut filled with creamy goodness and toppings of your choice. We opted for vanilla cream and strawberry, and it was a taste sensation. Needless to say we were both feeling like a pair of fat fucks by this point, so headed back to the hotel to sleep off all the food and booze. 

On our final day, I awoke feeling crappy (no doubt as a result of rubbing that bloody dog's arse). After breakfast, we headed across the road from our hotel to Prague's oldest (and largest) cemetary, which was conveniently located opposite the hotel. Disappointed not to see any ghosts, we headed back into town and bimbled over Charles Bridge in search of Lennon Wall. Built by John Lennon in the late 90's to keep local people out of his garden, the tourists flock to the wall today to deface the wall with their inane wittering's. 

We spent the rest of the day in various cafes, eating yet more food and smoking fags, while waiting for our flight. over the course of our trip, we'd walked over 22 miles, smoked a thousand fags, drank more booze than I usually consume in a whole year, and gained about 2st in weight. Not forgetting me contracting Coronavirus from a dog's arse (this is merely speculation as tests say otherwise). However, we had an amazing weekend and hopefully all the walking will have offset the food and booze(?).

I would recommend Prague to anyone (although be warned, you will do a lot of walking). Although we had glorious weather and it was pleasant in the sunshine, it was freezing at night and in the shade, so maybe go a bit later in the year. If you do visit, you should definitely book a boat ride, and visit the Sex Machine Museum if you want a giggle. 

Check out Instagram for more photos of my adventures